When I first was saved a good many years ago I felt like I needed to learn Hebrew because it was the language of my Lord Jesus Christ. Now, I know a lot of people say Jesus spoke Arabic, I say Jesus could have spoken any language that he chose but the scripture says that He came into his own and they rejected him, and the Israelites spoke Hebrew. It was a very easy language for me to pick up. Which was amazing to me! You see, in high school I had taken French, but in the years that I took French I never dreamed in French. I had not been studying Hebrew but a few months and I began to dream in Hebrew. To me, that was a sign from God that I was fulfilling part of His will for me.
I studied with tremendous zeal! I tried to get the few friends that I have to study it with me which they vehemently refused to do. Sighting reasons like they were too busy, wanted to learn Italian, or German, and a myriad of other excuses. So I turned to some of my Facebook friends and it was an absolute disaster from the beginning. As you are probably aware the practice of transliteration has so many different texts that everybody, it seems, has they’re own spelling of Hebrew words. I began to realize that there really with whom I could practice. People would come into my life wanting to learn Hebrew and before long (even though they would only have been studying Hebrew for a month would begin to correct me)…lol
In other cases the person would reach out every time they saw me online and then would dwindle to where I had to make contact with them first and fight to keep the conversation going.
And I’m sure you can imagine the difficulties of expanding ones vocabulary in another language when the only person that one have to practice with is self. Although, I admit being some what disappointed, I’ve spent enough of my life alone to understand that great things can be accomplished with just yourself, God, hard work and determination. Of course, I hope that someday I will be able to find a group or individual that is truly interested in pursuing an expanding and functioning Hebrew vocabulary.
It’s very hard to find a niche that you fit into when your background is that such as mine. I will explain. When I was very young between five and seven I was sexually involved with my older cousin and a very much older uncle. It wasn’t that I felt molested because I wanted it to happen as many times as I could get it to happen! This led to me confusing love with sex. There is so much more that I want to tell you about that part of my life and maybe someday, if you’re interested, I will! I struggled with those feelings and my hatred of that lifestyle for most of my life. I did not fit in with the other gay people which led to me being a kind of outcast.
However, about 12 years ago was saved by the blood of Christ! Before you even get it into your mind I was not delivered from the homosexual feelings and desires. I continued to struggle daily with those feelings, lust, desires and at the time I was still living with a guy that I had been with for 10 years. However, we were both save at about the same time so our relationship developed more into feelings of brothers.
As time has a habit of doing it moves on and our lives change whether or not that is what we want. The decision that we have to make is whether or not we want our focus to be on ourselves or on what God would have our lives to be. Very often, we find that, although choosing to focus on God’s plan for us is without a doubt the correct thing to do it often leads to seclusion and rejection! My situation was a little different in that even though I did not act on those feelings anymore I was still treated as a pariah in both the homosexual communities and the heterosexual communities. Many friends that I had – let’s go back – the majority of the friends that I had before my salvation through the blood of Christ stopped communicating with me or calling and a few even unfriended me on Facebook.
I will spare you the lists, for now, of the things that God taught me before He delivered me completely from those feelings. Which has really made the devil mad because I don’t have sexual feelings for men or women, but I do have an increased love for their souls and where they will spend eternity. I often wish that I could get people to understand, get them to see that this is very real but even members of my own family cannot see that they stand on the edge of a great abyss!